Generally speaking most people do not know how to resolve interpersonal conflicts and so there is posturing and maneuvering until anger finally emerges. Something is said or done to terminate all affection and desire to be together and there is a separation.

Before the final separation, however, a mental and emotional fog settles over the heart. A terrible feeling that something is not right grips the soul. And that feeling of uneasiness is resented.  

Because of the enveloping fog the spiritual dynamics of the relationship cannot be seen clearly and so things go from bad to worse. The challenge for the Christian is to find a way to bring peace to troubled relationships and to avoid being the cause of disharmony. 

In order to do that it might be helpful to consider why relationships break down, and to illustrate this, the situation that existed between David and Saul might help our understanding.  

As the narrative unfolds Saul, king of Israel, has made a fundamental decision to kill David—and he is not quiet about his intentions for we read that he commanded his son Jonathan and his servants that they should carry out an assassination.

It is a shocking turn of events because there was a time when Saul and David were close. But something happened to this relationship and we want to know what went wrong. As the record is read several facts emerge.

1. Saul became jealous of David’s success on the field of battle.

2. Saul felt threatened in his place of authority as king.

3. Saul began to think dark thoughts about David that were not true. He thought of David as a rival to this his throne. He thought of David as a disloyal citizen in his royal court. All of this is brought out in the following passage.

• 1 Sam 18:7-8, "And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands. 8 And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom?"  

4. Saul did not arrest these dark thoughts in his heart and so his perception became his reality.

5. Based upon his view of reality Saul grew angry. Anger turned to hatred and hatred moved him to try to murder David. Saul wanted to put to death what he believed was the source of his soul’s unhappiness.

6. What Saul did not want to remember is that unhappiness and anger are usually self induced.

7. More often than not we make ourselves miserable because of a faulty perception of reality.

8. We come to believe that someone is worse than they really are and so we lash out. We lash out because we stop caring whether or not we hurt them. In fact, we want them to be hurt.

9. Ingrained in our subconscious is the idea that if we inflict emotional pain on someone by looks and words and body language we will get our way and beyond that we will conform individuals to move in a particular direction we want to go. Perhaps we have learned this method of molding others from our own childhood training.

10. If nothing else there is a psychological satisfaction called "venting" or "getting that out of our system" or "getting that off our chest" or "being honest."

11. Nevertheless, in the act of lashing out verbally or physically in hostility the Christian acts contrary to the will of God.

12. The Christian is commanded to be a person of peace and to seek peace with others.

• 2 Corinthians 13:11, "Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you."

• Ephesians 4:3, "Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

13. What is the penalty for not seeking peace with others? The answer is found in:

• Romans 8:6, "For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace."  

14. It is a sign of spiritual maturity to be a person characterized by peace.

15. The conclusion of the matter is this: "the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost" (Rom. 14:17).

16. We can know if we are filled with the Spirit if there is not the will to power over someone and peace prevails in our hearts.

• Colossians 3:15, "And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful."
  
  
• Galatians 5:22, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith."

17. If our hearts are agitated, if there is resentment against someone, if there is secret anger, if we find we are not as socially polite as we once were, if we find ourselves made over what we once took in good humor and grace, there is no filling of the Holy Spirit for the Holy Spirit is not rude.

18. Can relationships that are about to be destroyed be redeemed? Can a David and Saul can be reconciled? The answer is yes provided certain steps are taken.

• Reason must replace raw emotion. Saul had to be reminded that he would be slaying innocent blood if David were killed.
  
  
• Repentance must replace resentment. There must be a confession that specific emotions stirring in the heart are not pleasing to the Lord. Most negative emotions are self-destructive and other destructive.
  
  
• There might be a cheerful surrender of personal preferences for the sake of peace. If a spiritual principle is involved then that is another issue but most conflict comes over unnecessary words and the will to power.
  
  
• This question might be asked: "A hundred years from now, will this moment matter?"  
  
  
• Let love rule. And 1 Corinthians 13 defines love.
  
  
• Finally, remember this: "There is more to life than being right." It is possible to be so right one becomes wrong. The Pharisees were right to want to keep the Law of Moses. But they became very wrong in their spirit.

19. If we want our prayers to be answered then we must have peace with God and be at peace with one another in the body of Christ. Let there be peace in the kingdom.